Hello everyone and happy new year! Let’s celebrate with a brand new helping of Cursed Pokémon Do Cursed Things. In other words, this!
Last time we caught a few Pokémon. Well, more than a few. Let’s fuse them up. I’ll do this in the order that the Pokémon were acquired, of course.
The first Pokémon we’re smashing together are Exeggcute and Trapinch, who we found in Area 2 and Area 5 of the Safari Zone.
One hell of a name. One HELL of a design. This form has pretty nice typing and better defensive stats, but is slow as molasses and looks horrible.
If this isn’t a big egg with four legs I’m gonna be mad.
I’m devastated.
I still haven’t learned how to flip the pages on these longer Pokédex entries. Anyways, this form is a better Pokémon in fights and while it looks horrible it’ll end up being the cool Grass/Dragon-type. Maybe it’ll look cooler too.
The second fusion we have is between our catches from Area 3 and Area 4, Larvesta and Pinsir.
Both very powerful Bug-type Pokémon (or at least, Larvesta will be once reaching a very high level) so this could be interesting.
Interesting is certainly a word.
Not a bad Pokémon, but the alternative is just streets ahead of this one.
I’m really quite happy with that design. Plus, its offensive stats are just so much better now! Let’s hope for a really cool design once it evolves.
Right, with that out of the way, it’s time to start training up a team worthy of taking on Koga’s gym! I figure it’s going to be a hard one, especially after the trials and tribulations I went through in Celadon City, but we have some good contenders. The Grass-types and Fairy-types are getting stowed away for this one.
So here’s the team before grinding. It’s too tempting not to train up Breeze passively, I desire to witness her evolutions so badly. Citizen Snips has really good typing and is quite the offensive powerhouse. While he covers Psychic, April May is here with powerful Ground-type moves which should prove useful. Ketchup and Caledfwlch are here are tanks, as they are immune to Poison-type moves and Ketchup specifically has great stats all-round. Jelly is a wildcard. Psychic typing and a resistance to Poison, along with fantastic defensive stats? We could be on to a winner there.
There’s gonna be some evolutions, so get ready for a montage.
See you on the other side! Immediately! Because this is not happening in real time for you! Lucky you!
Obviously Breeze is up first, she levels up so quickly!
Oh honey no.
Oh honey YES.
Oh honey FABULOUS. Butterbro is best girl.
Jelly also gets a bit of a wobble in the spotlight here.
Very fitting sprite, well designed, great colouring. 10/10
This fucker again
I see these lines have absolutely no chance of getting on together, do they?
Something I want to test with Mist Stones (the new evolutionary stones which evolve any Pokémon that can regardless of level or requirements) is whether they affect both halves of a fusion at once. I use one of my last two on Caledfwlch here, as Graveler now evolves into Golem at a very high level and I have no idea when we’ll come across a Dusk Stone to evolve Doublade into Aegislash.
I think this is a supremely stupid Pokémon and I love it. At least the stats have shot up.
We healed up, and I think we’re ready. Look at the HP on Jelly. If he dies I’ll really be rather shocked.
Let’s go, Koga.
Same old puzzle. Notably, this gym looks pretty bare and boring, definitely not the best mapping effort in the game. Suppose there’s not much you can do when the originals looked so boring too.
Ah, an audience.
It’s obviously difficult to show you here but I can’t walk up this side, so my instincts tell me that the layout of the gym is the same as in the originals, and I know that off by heart.
Sure enough.
I’ve always wondered why the gym for ninjas is full of jugglers, an inherently eye-catching profession. Perhaps they work in tandem, with the jugglers acting as distraction?
Already the trainer’s are hitting level 39? This is going to be a trainwreck.
oh fuck off with your critical shadow balls
fucking juggler bastard
hope he loses his balls
Hello replacement.
Moving swiftly on. Looks like the gym has been condensed a bit!
Oh wow I really hate this.
So does Citizen Snips, taking out the long pink snake with a single Zen Headbutt.
Hmm, if only we had ever encountered a Magnebok before and knew exactly what its weaknesses were.
4X EFFECTIVE DIG TO THE FACE oh wait you have sturdy
Fire Punch takes it out.
Fire Punch also proves useful here, taking out this Venoslash (awesome name btw) in two turns.
Bye.
No mate it’s just trial and error.
This design is really cool, but that thing on the head really creeps me out. Anyways, two Ice Punches makes short work of it.
Ice Punch works here too, but I just want to point out how great that design is with the hypnotist-swirl pattern on the Hypfree’s wings!
Not many left before the main event now!
Lots of Drowzee and Hypno fusions in this supposedly Poison-type gym huh? This one just uses Agility twice as I batter it.
Highest level Pokémon klaxon!
Brought out the new Caledfwlch here to see what it can do. Shadow Sneak takes it out in one hit thanks to a very beefy attack stat and 4x effectiveness.
Only takes one here too.
The Arbra manages to barely hang on after a Bulldoze, and Shadow Sneak’s priority helps me out in the next turn. Caledfwlch is definitely impressing me more here than in the Pokémon Tower.
Horrifying. Villain of a horror movie horrifying.
This one was quite resistant to my attacks, but could barely scratch me in return. Citizen’s huge offensive power won the battle for me.
Okay, Phil, let’s see if you can provide a stumbling block.
Three Zen Headbutts, and one of them missed. Too bad, Phil.
It’s at this point that I realise that Citizen Snips solo’d almos the entire gym by himself, and the last time that happened Tiny ended up in a Graveyard Box by the end of the update. I’m feeling… apprehensive.
Let’s go, big man.
I wonder if I’ll need to use the Blue Flute this fight?
We’re up to four Pokémon now.
April May is first. He’s a bit bulky and I can maybe set up a nice sweep with Swords Dance. Citizen Snips is there for his huge offensive power and fantastic typing for this gym. Ketchup and Caledfwlch should also be very good at resisting attacks while also dealing out big damage – Ketchup with Special Attacks and Caledfwlch with Physical Attacks. My heart is beating fast, let’s get this over with.
He’s looking haggard.
What’s it gonna be?
That’s… that’s blackcurrant ice cream. It’s also half Koffing, so we need to be wary of Self-destruct.
Two rounds in and while we’re in a precarious situation, I have Full Restores and two Swords Dances under my belt.
A Body Slam takes it out in one shot. So far so good.
A very interesting choice. I don’t want to risk switching out and losing my setup stats, so I opt for the Dig. The Weezing half of Weeking should slow it down enough to let April May go first. Then Koga does something that shocked me.
I panicked initially, thinking he’d brought out a half-Flying type Pokémon to make my Dig worthless, but it turns out Croreon is Dark/Poison. It gets taken out in one hit and we have some breathing room.
Hitting level 39 gets us Double-Edge, which is going to be monstrous with April May’s Attack stat.
This is a problem, as my Dig-bait did mean I got to saw what move Weeking would have used: Waterfall. That’s super-effective on April May, so I’m bringing out someone who should be able to deal with the threat.
While Citizen Snips has a good chance of threatening Weeking heavily, we need to be cautious against the possibility of Self-destruct or Explosion, either of which would almost surely kill Citizen Snips outright. Ketchup resists those moves while also have a powerful Electro Ball, which will be super-effective and be quite strong thanks to the speed difference.
Waterfall kind of obliterated me, and Electro Ball barely scratched her thanks to huge Special Defence.
Not willing to sacrifice Ketchup, I pray that the Waterfall that Citizen Snips will take upon entry doesn’t do too much damage, and the play pays off.
Zen Headbutt takes care of the rest of Weeking’s health handily.
The final opponent is a Muk/Parasect fusion that may prove to be a bit of a bother if she has any powerful Bug-type moves, which can really hurt Citizen Snips.
Zen Headbutt takes her down to critical.
Sludge Bomb poisons us which turns out not to be a problem. I forgot he had one!
Koga uses a Hyper Potion. Once more, Citty.
Effect Spore triggered and now I’m actually worse off. I’d much prefer Poison to Paralysis if I had to choose.
Just 5 Zen Headbutts left.
Oh are you kidding me?
On the turn I decide to use a Full Restore to bring Citty back up to full, Koga also uses a Hyper Potion. We’re back to square one here.
One more round later, and here’s where we stand. Let’s see if we can’t finish this off… Victory is most certainly in my hands, but I want to see this through without any casualties.
The victory music has never sounded so sweet!
Interesting that this gym is now a twofer for HM unlocking.
Ah, the TM for Twitter. I mean Toxic. I mean Twitter.
Excuse me I wasn’t prepared for new story additions.
So this is definitely Lance and he just walks through the invisible walls what the hell bruh
Oh no who could possibly have predicted that
Of course it isn’t
UNO DOS TRES
MOZART
Why can’t it be, Koga? Team Rocket are a widely known mafia with stacks of cash, notoriety and cool uniforms that will inevitably attract lonely and misguided teenagers with too much time on their hands. They could solve world hunger or get circuit gays to self-isolate if they wanted to.
At least we know where they are.
Girl I’ve been beating you since I was 5 years old I know that haircut anywhere.
This sounds like an intro spiel from Drag Race.
Oh please don’t rope me into this I am a child of 11.
And what are you going to do, Koga? Just sit here waiting for kids to beat on your Pokémon? Get to fuck.
As a nice touch, we can also walk straight down now.
I went to the Centre to heal up immediately as I assume every single other trainer does who plays these games, and suddenly upon exiting to wrap the update up we find Rhys.
Just let me live.
Oh now it’s serious?
I don’t know whether this was a required crit, but 4x Ice Punch rocks.
I’m guessing this is what he caught in the Safari Zone. He can do nothing but use weak Zen Headbutts and attempt to set up with Work Up while I just get three stacks of Swords Dance up.
Easy peasy, and now I have a +6 Caledfwlch who can use Ground, Rock and Ghost-type attacks.
Admittedly I should have healed or switched, this is a dangerous matchup. Especially since this is the second Pokémon after Tauros who got an Intimidate off on Caledfwlch to lower its Attack.
But setup leads me to greed, and a Bulldoze makes short work of this cool-looking thing. Rest well, you fucked up boulder.
This is potentially a not-very-good matchup. Starkazam uses some decently powerful Brines while Ketchup’s attacks don’t do much damage in return. We’re seeing this a lot – Ketchup’s moveset might be sorely in need of an upgrade.
Citizen Snips comes in to save the day with a brutal ThunderPunch after it heals up with a Super Potion. Can’t afford Hypers, eh Rhys?
I can’t overstate how much I hate this Pokémon. Why has he not let the Wartortle evolve? What possible reason could you have to keep this poor creature in such a state of pain?
This battle really alerts me that I need to check out Citizen’s current stats. Taking only that much damage from a Slash is fantastic. One more ThunderPunch should do it.
And done.
Oh, this makes up for the rude interruption.
Considering that we’re utterly stacked with both Grass-type and Water-type team mates, the choice here is obvious.
Welcome to the team, Erasmus!
As a nice touch, Rhys heads straight into the Pokémon Centre to heal up.
One last thing before we head off. This is nice – it heals Confusion in battle which is a pretty damn good tool to have in a pinch.
A nice little touch.
Post-Update Summary
A gym and a surprise rival fight are nice to get out of the way! Koga went far smoother than I expected and while it always hurts to lose a team mate to a critical hit, at least Breeze was a fairly new Pokémon who realistically would always be dragged down by being half of a Butterfree. She was as slow as caramel dripping from a syringe. Anyways, next time we’ll be exploring some areas with our new ability to use Surf!
New Pokémon
Fuschia City: Erasmus the Cyndaquil
New Fusions
Exeggcute + Trapinch = Exegginch
Larvesta + Pinsir = Larsir
Caterpoke (Caterpie + Slowpoke) evolved into Metapoke (Metapod + Slowpoke)
Metapoke (Metapod + Slowpoke) evolved into Butterpoke (Butterfree + Slowpoke)
Butterpoke (Butterfree + Slowpoke) evolved into Butterbro (Butterfree + Slowbro)
Wobmer (Wobuffett + Grimer) evolved into Wobuk (Wobuffett + Muk)
Honler (Honedge + Graveler) evolved into Douler (Doublade + Graveler)
Douler (Doublade + Graveler) evolved into Aegilem (Aegislash + Golem)
To the Graveyard
Breeze the Butterbro
Curated Critiques 